Learning How to Sail My Ship

(Thank you, Louisa May Alcott, for writing out even the simplest of my emotions!)

The past week or so has been a little rough for me.  I am 25 years young and am at the point in my life where everything is changing.  It seems silly now, but I thought that would be the case when I turned 18 or 20 - I just thought that everything would magically be different... you know, I had finally become a legal adult or I had finally left my "teenage" years behind.  The truth is, though, that change is gradual for the most part; there are spurts, surely, but things just change over time.

The Fall semester has officially begun and I am feeling completely overwhelmed already - this means that I am only doing the absolutely necessary tasks and neglecting all others.  It's not due to lack of time but rather a lack of motivation.  Why am I feeling so overwhelmed?  For several reasons, I suppose, but I don't have the energy to fully explain them all. 

“Such hours are beautiful to live, but very hard to describe.”
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

One of the reasons, though, is because I am feeling a bit....... well, I don't really know how I feel.  Sorrowful.  Joyful.  Nostalgic.  Anxious.  Thrilled.  Nervous.  Maybe a tad bit jealous, along with a tad bit lonely - but lonely is the wrong word.  I feel as though my soul is in the midst of an ongoing storm.  Let me explain.  Readers that know me personally know that two of my very best friends have moved two completely different places in the past 24 hours, but both are quite far away.  One (Grace) moved to Washington D.C. (for location references, I'm in Oklahoma City) to end the "long distance" part of her two year relationship - a very good change, indeed; the other (Sarah) moved to Cambodia to become a part of a very special team helping to bring clean water to the villagers - she has been three times prior to this move and has been aching to move there for such a very long time.  My "sister" (we call each other kindred spirits) moved away from Oklahoma to San Francisco a little over two years ago to be with her new husband; they now have a beautiful baby girl, but I haven't seen her since Christmas.  I'm used to Livy (my "sister") being so far away, but I still don't enjoy the ridiculous amount of distance between us.  As I have mentioned before, my brother- and sister-in-law have moved to the Caribbean in the past month or so.  While I am used to there being a large amount of distance between us (they lived in Houston, TX prior to the move), Rachel and I have become much closer over the past year and my heart breaks knowing that I will only see them via Skype for the next two years after their brief visit in November/December.  We may or may not be in Oklahoma by the time Jonathan and Rachel come back to the states (who knows where they will be living for J's residency!), and we may or may not be in Oklahoma when Sarah comes back from Cambodia.  Praise God, I get to see Livy in a little less than a month, and Grace will most likely be visiting over the holidays.

Someday, I will be used to using technology (oh, woe is me!) as a means of keeping communication alive with all of these dear people and probably more.  I will be able to keep up to date with their lives one way or another.  I think that one of the hardest parts about this whole period of my life, though, is the fact that I'm not used to being the one that is left behind - I'm the one that is normally giving people updates about new happenings in my life.  I have almost always been the one moving away... but, alas, that is for another post altogether.

This post seems so splotchy and patchworked, but that's precisely why I haven't been functioning well - that's how my brain feels.  I have begun writing/reading/journaling/prayer-journaling/blogging more, but it needs to become even more frequent.  I cannot think properly.  My concentration is waning.  It is for that reason that I am abruptly ending this post with two more quotes from the dear Louisa May Alcott in one of my favorite books of all time, Little Women.  How my heart longs for the chance to delve into the wisdom of this book once again.


“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” 
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women 

“I am lonely, sometimes, but I dare say it's good for me…” 
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women