I Always Come Back to Writing
Aside from one brief appearance, I have remained absent from this blog of mine for over a year and a half. Since the death of my sweet mother-in-law, life has thrown some major curve balls our way. We've seen the highest of highs and have done happy dances on the mountaintops, and we have walked the depths in the darkness in those lowest of lows, all within a matter of mere months (sometimes days). It's a jarring feeling, and I fear that we're suffering the pains of that kind of whiplash.
It's odd, really, when I stop to think about my life (as any INFJ is prone to do about 637 times a day). I've noticed that I'm beginning to categorize things in a "pre-England" and "post-England" kind of way. Not that our moving abroad was some spectacular pinnacle around which our entire lives revolve; it's more that the year we spent overseas feels oddly foreign (for lack of a better word), like it was an experience far removed from any other facet of our lives, like it didn't really happen, and we're forced to keep it in a compartment all its own.
The woman I was before moving abroad is not the same woman who looks back at me in the mirror today. To be honest, I hardly recognize the person I was - again, not because living in a foreign country changed me that much (I mean, yes, it changed me a lot), but life looks so very different now than it did before we left. So many of the specifics of our lives are almost exactly the same as before we left (location, jobs, friends, church), and yet many of the larger details of our lives are so unfamiliar to us that, at times, we have a difficult time navigating.
My mother-in-law's death and so many of the specifics surrounding that tragedy have impacted me in immense ways, and I'm still struggling for a foothold more than a year and a half later.
As 2017 comes to an end and I browse through all of my drafted posts on this website, it is painfully clear to me that I have avoided wrapping up a lot of what has happened since May 2016. I've never truly closed the door on the Birmingham chapter of our lives. I didn't write a single review of our travels, those before we left England nor those since. I even had a "2016 Year in Review" type of post all ready to go this time last year, but I was never able to click that "publish" button. I have no idea why except for the fact that it all felt so insanely surreal, and I wasn't truly okay with accepting our new reality.
To be completely honest, I'm a bit wary of what 2018 has in store. Maybe I'm just a bit exhausted from the past few years and need some solid recovery time. Who knows, maybe this year will be that restorative year.
I resigned myself long ago to the fact that I hold zero of the answers. My life and my future, thank goodness, are not in my hands. I can rest in the presence of my Creator, the King of my heart, my rock, my place of peace. With Him, there is no darkness, and joy comes in the morning. As we march on toward yet another uncertain day, I must hold onto that truth. And maybe, just maybe, I'll find the strength to come write about it all here a bit more often.
It's odd, really, when I stop to think about my life (as any INFJ is prone to do about 637 times a day). I've noticed that I'm beginning to categorize things in a "pre-England" and "post-England" kind of way. Not that our moving abroad was some spectacular pinnacle around which our entire lives revolve; it's more that the year we spent overseas feels oddly foreign (for lack of a better word), like it was an experience far removed from any other facet of our lives, like it didn't really happen, and we're forced to keep it in a compartment all its own.
The woman I was before moving abroad is not the same woman who looks back at me in the mirror today. To be honest, I hardly recognize the person I was - again, not because living in a foreign country changed me that much (I mean, yes, it changed me a lot), but life looks so very different now than it did before we left. So many of the specifics of our lives are almost exactly the same as before we left (location, jobs, friends, church), and yet many of the larger details of our lives are so unfamiliar to us that, at times, we have a difficult time navigating.
My mother-in-law's death and so many of the specifics surrounding that tragedy have impacted me in immense ways, and I'm still struggling for a foothold more than a year and a half later.
As 2017 comes to an end and I browse through all of my drafted posts on this website, it is painfully clear to me that I have avoided wrapping up a lot of what has happened since May 2016. I've never truly closed the door on the Birmingham chapter of our lives. I didn't write a single review of our travels, those before we left England nor those since. I even had a "2016 Year in Review" type of post all ready to go this time last year, but I was never able to click that "publish" button. I have no idea why except for the fact that it all felt so insanely surreal, and I wasn't truly okay with accepting our new reality.
To be completely honest, I'm a bit wary of what 2018 has in store. Maybe I'm just a bit exhausted from the past few years and need some solid recovery time. Who knows, maybe this year will be that restorative year.
I resigned myself long ago to the fact that I hold zero of the answers. My life and my future, thank goodness, are not in my hands. I can rest in the presence of my Creator, the King of my heart, my rock, my place of peace. With Him, there is no darkness, and joy comes in the morning. As we march on toward yet another uncertain day, I must hold onto that truth. And maybe, just maybe, I'll find the strength to come write about it all here a bit more often.
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