Step Aside, Sorrow, and Make Way for Thankfulness
If I stop to think about things, my heart begins to ache. Keeping busy is the best thing for my sanity, but I'm not quite sure how effective it is in reference to my emotional healing. It is only during the quiet moments of life, when I am alone and allow myself to breathe, that the tide begins to creeeeeep back in; soon enough, I feel as though I can barely keep my head above water as I drown in sorrow, pity, and self-loathing.
Although I can feel that tide washing against my feet, I am not going to let it get the best of me today. NO, SIR. Instead, I am going to dwell on what blessings I do have, the things - large and small - that I am thankful for in this moment. It is the season of expressing thanks, after all.
No, I'm not pregnant anymore, but I still have so very many things to be thankful for today.
Coffee. Lord Almighty, thank you for this blessing that I can now consume in mass quantities again... even if it is just Starbucks.
Bagels. CREAM CHEESE. Oh gosh, so so so thankful for that ridiculous combination. You don't even know. You don't EVEN know.
80's music. Aerosmith. A little ditty about Jack and Diane. Electric guitars. Free Fallin'. Being transported to times past and memories with my beloved momma via radio airwaves.
Our record player. And the fact that Christmas is coming up and I can FINALLY bust out my Christmas records of all sorts. And Christmas music in general. Hanson's Snowed In album is my life during that most joyous season. Don't lie - you know you love it.
Windows. Windows that OPEN.
A day at home on a gorgeous Autumn day, sitting at home with the windows open and the attic fan pulling that glorious fresh air through the house. It makes my heart swell. It really does.
Leggings and ancient sweatshirts... to be worn while being cozy at home, because leggings are not pants.
Hair dye. Because no one actually likes embracing their naturally ashy-brown hair.
Money. Sure, that sounds superficial, but it's really easy to forget to be thankful for the thing that keeps a roof over your head, food in your bellies, clothes on your bodies, shoes on your feet, hot water in your pipes, heated air in your home, gas in your tanks, books on your shelves, the list goes on and on and on. We have lived with very little, and I am so incredibly thankful to not currently be in that dark pit of financial despair.
Cheerful flowers and cards filled with heartfelt messages and cupcakes and mochas and other ridiculously outrageous gifts from some of the most caring and loving people that I have ever known.
There are so many things that I am thankful for today.
Most of all, though, I am thankful for my communities - each and every one of them. My husband. My family. My community group/house church/very dearest friends that we share life with. My church family. My girls... those crazy Juniors that I am so blessed to "lead" (psh... like they need it). My UCO English Ed cohorts, including that brilliant professor/Momma Bear that we all love so dearly. My mentor teacher and my sophomores - I got way, way too lucky on that front. My dear friends from all areas of my life. PEOPLE. If you are reading this, I am thankful for you investing in me, encouraging me, praying for me, loving me. So very thankful.
Oh, and I'm thankful for that bitty fur baby of mine. The one that can sense when something is wrong and snuggles up with her momma when times are rough. Can't forget about her. She deserves some catnip, or tuna, or something.